“Forever By His Side”
© 1985 by Henry Doktorski

Bhaktipada supervises a brick-laying marathon (1985).
Bhaktipada (standing in center) supervises a brick-laying marathon at New Vrindaban (1985).

A new preface to the 1985 paper
“Forever By His Side” (1985)
Epilogue
Endnotes

A new preface to the 1985 paper by the author

Although it was over three decades ago when Kirtanananda Swami Bhaktipada (1937-2011)—the spiritual master at the New Vrindaban Hare Krishna ISKCON community in Marshall County, West Virginia—was assaulted and seriously wounded, all New Vrindaban residents who were there at the time remember that day almost like it was yesterday. At 5:50 p.m. on October 27th, 1985, a mentally unstable visiting devotee—in the midst of dozens of residents—quietly approached Bhaktipada (who was supervising an outdoor bricklaying marathon near the temple) from behind, and struck him once in the head and twice on the back with a three-foot-long iron bar, a brick-prying tool. Bhaktipada lost consciousness due to severe head trauma, and fell to the ground.

The New Vrindaban temple president, Kuladri dasa, exhibited the qualities of a Ksatriya when he instantly assessed the situation, subdued the crazed attacker and instructed devotees to call the local police. Immediately the wounded and bleeding Bhaktipada was put in a vehicle by Kuladri and others and transported to the nearest hospital. During the drive, he drifted in and out of consciousness, and had to be physically restrained because of intermittent and wild flailing. At times he uttered the names of “Prabhupada” and “Krishna.”

One New Vrindaban resident described the attack in great detail: (Endnote 1)

    Srila Bhaktipada is directing all the young gurukula boys to move the broken bricks. Walking through the crowd of working devotees, he encourages everyone. It’s 6:00 Sunday night, and all the devotees are working hard to finish the brick marathon so Bhaktipada can begin the Rama Vijaya Mahotsava celebration by piercing Ravana with an arrow. The 15-foot demon scowls at the devotees as the time draws near. The parking lot is a beehive of activity, everyone running around doing their various little tasks. A dozen gurukula boys are buzzing around Bhaktipada, following his instructions. Michael Shockman approaches him from behind, carrying a 20-pound steel spike used for anchoring the forms and prying bricks. But he is not interested in service. His purpose is demoniac.

    He approaches Bhaktipada from behind, lifts the spike well over his head, and sends the spike deep into the top of Bhaktipada’s head. Blood showers the gurukula boys around him as they scream in terror. He then pulls the steel rod back like a bat and takes two shots at the base of Bhaktipada’s head, throwing Bhaktipada face down on the bricks. Blood pours from the back of Bhaktipada’s head. Devotees scream in agony: “Bhaktipada’s dead! He’s killed him! Oh, Krishna!” As the screams resound, the other devotees look up from their tasks, and Michael Shockman turns and runs across the parking lot with the spike.

    At the first scream, Kuladri looks up and sees Bhaktipada on the ground. He chases Michael Shockman across the parking lot. They race 100 feet, and Kuladri catches up with him. Shockman turns to face Kuladri, swinging the bar at his head. Kuladri is grazed as he tackles the assailant and throws him to the ground. Kuladri pulls the bar away from him and puts it against his neck. He turns him over to the other devotees. Then he jumps up, runs over to Bhaktipada’s car, backs it up to Bhaktipada, and tells the devotees, “Put him in. We’re going to the hospital.” The parking lot is filled with terror and fright. The devotees are weeping hysterically, stunned at the unbelievable, inconceivable, demoniac act that has just occurred.

    “Call the hospital, call the police. Have the police come and pick him up. Tell the hospital we’re coming in with Bhaktipada and he’s dying of head injuries.” The car flies up the hill towards town. We’re passing everyone, lights flashing, as Bhaktipada is convulsing in the back of his car, sometimes pushing the devotees away, sometimes calling out “Krishna” or “Prabhupada.”

Bhaktipada was taken to Reynolds Memorial Hospital in Glen Dale, but when the emergency room doctor saw the severity of his injuries, he ordered an ambulance to take him to Ohio Valley Medical Center in Wheeling, where an emergency craniotomy was performed to relieve hemorrhaging on the brain. Kuladri said: “There [at the hospital] I stayed at his side for one month making all medical decisions. That night the doctor asked my opinion of operating on him. I don’t know if they couldn’t get a hold of his parents or not, but based on my bringing him there and my decision they operated on him, and the doctor said he had saved his life that night.” (Endnote 2)

Four days later Bhaktipada was transferred by helicopter to Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where a second operation was performed to remove a blood clot in his brain. New Vrindaban residents imagined that they saw in his brain scan the image of the protector of the devotees, the fierce half-man half-lion incarnation, Lord Nrisimhadev, and took this to be an auspicious sign that Krishna would protect their master. Bhaktipada lay helpless in a coma for ten days and was listed on the critical list for almost three weeks.

I believe I speak for nearly all New Vrindaban residents when I say our love for Bhaktipada increased tremendously during that extremely trying period while he lay for ten days in critical condition in intensive care unconscious in a coma. We did not know whether he would live or die. Because of our intense love for him, we became heartbroken, overwhelmed with grief.

I had the privilege of spending four hours with my unconscious spiritual master at Allegheny General Hospital; I was on duty with him from 1 a.m. until about 5 a.m., at which time Umapati dasa relieved me. When I first saw Bhaktipada’s condition—his bandaged head was swollen, his face was blackened with bruises, and various tubes were inserted through his mouth and nose—I became dazed and had to sit down.

Although he was comatose, I thought there might have been a chance that he might be conscious and could still hear, even if he could not respond. It is said that the spiritual master is not like an ordinary soul; if he appears unconscious, he is really in trance. Therefore, I spent the early morning hours reading to him, telling him stories, and singing the entire morning program. I wrote about my experience in a paper titled “Forever By His Side.” This article was an expression of love from a sincere disciple for his guru, and was appreciated by the New Vrindaban residents. Umapati dasa said it was the best piece I had ever written.

We discovered years later that our idolism of Bhaktipada was not based on fact, but fiction, but never-the-less at the time we derived great inspiration and strength from our love for him. Love is an extremely powerful and wonderful emotion, and I will never forget that love for him. It was one of the most fulfilling loves of my life (for as long as it lasted).

This article reveals some of the symptoms of the love a dedicated disciple feels for his master, and the various illusions which desperate persons sometimes utilize in order to maintain hope during trying times.

Henry Doktorski
Temecula, California (October 2016)


Brain Scan
This particular image (out of dozens of images) from the CT scans of Bhaktipada’s brain reveals what New Vrindaban residents believed to be the face of Lord Nrsimhadev: the divine protector of the devotees.


“Forever By His Side”

Hrisikesa dasa brahmacari
[Henry Doktorski: November 1985]

All glories to our eternal Lord and Master, His Divine Grace Kirtanananda Swami Srila Bhaktipada.

It is stated in the scriptures that the pure devotee of the Lord is always transcendental to matter. He realizes himself to be spirit soul and does not identify with the body. He is not affected in the least by any material impediment and his consciousness is eternally fixed in the Absolute Truth, in love with Lord Krishna.

Although he may appear to be unconscious, or even in a comatose state or trance, the spiritual master is always engaged in the service of Lord Krishna. He is eternally preaching the sankirtan mission of Lord Caitanya, and helping his disciples advance in love of God. Let me offer a few conclusive examples of Bhaktipada’s great strength and determination. On Monday night [November 4, 1985] Nityodita prabhu visited Bhaktipada and relayed [later to us] the following pastime:

    When I saw him I didn’t really know what to do or say. Bhaktipada was lying in bed, apparently unconscious, and the nurses informed me that he can’t respond to us. One nurse demonstrated by grabbing Bhaktipada’s hand and speaking rather loudly, “Can you hear me? Please squeeze my hand. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand.” There was no response.

    But after the nurse left the room, I held Bhaktipada’s hand myself and told him, “Bhaktipada! It’s me, Nityodita dasa! We miss you Bhaktipada!” Immediately Bhaktipada began vigorously pumping my hand!

Nityo concluded, “Bhaktipada is not dependent on doctors or hospitals, but is simply dependent on Krishna. He doesn’t like these nurses, but he does love his devotees and reciprocates with them as they love him. Not only that, but he wants to finish Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra’s temple very soon. Bhaktipada is very much with us and fired up!”

Another example is Adwaita prabhu. He and Sudhanu were reading Krishna Book to Bhaktipada while he was quietly resting. After a while Adwaita said, “Bhaktipada, we brought some bath water from Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra.” He sprinkled a few drops on Bhaktipada’s forehead and gently rubbed the bath water on his skin. Suddenly, Bhaktipada surprised them by lifting his right arm straight up in the air! Adwaita and Sudhanu were in bliss and grabbed Bhaktipada’s hand and held it tightly.

Another devotee, Radha Ramana, related this to me, “I told Bhaktipada that we need him, that we can’t live without him. I explained that all the Brijabasis were working very hard on the brick marathon and were chanting twenty-four hours a day to Lord Nrsimhadev for his speedy recovery. After a while, I fell silent. Thinking how I could serve Bhaktipada, I spoke out loud, ‘Maybe I can massage your feet, Bhaktipada.’ Immediately he kicked his foot out from beneath the blanket, fulfilling my desire!”

Our dear godbrother, Bhaktipada’s personal servant, Kumara prabhu, relates, “I was holding Bhaktipada’s hand and reading Krishna Book when my throat became dry and I wanted a drink. However, as soon as I started to leave Bhaktipada’s side, his grip tightened on my hand and I couldn’t go! I said, ‘Bhaktipada, I just want to get a drink of water. I’ll be right back.’ Only then did Bhaktipada relax his grip.”

Finally, let me describe my own pastime with Bhaktipada. By Krishna’s inconceivable mercy, I was on the night crew with Kumara early Wednesday morning [November 6]. Ordinarily, except for Kuladri and Umapati, who are with Bhaktipada twenty-four hours a day, devotees are only allowed a 15-minute darshan, and then only once every two hours. Kumara and I had the privilege of spending the entire night with our beloved Lord and Master.

He had the first shift with Bhaktipada, beginning at 10 p.m., while I remained outside in the intensive care waiting room. At 1 a.m. Kumara returned and asked me to relieve him. Together, we entered Bhaktipada’s partition and I asked, “What should I do?” and he replied, “You can read softly to him if you like, but whatever you do, always remain forever by his side.”

As Kumara left to take rest, I closely studied Bhaktipada as he lay resting in the hospital bed. His head was bandaged and his eyes were shut due to swelling. Although he was breathing on his own, there were many tubes and wires everywhere, to monitor and assist his bodily functions. Suddenly my head began to spin and perspiration appeared all over my body. I was fainting! My system had taken quite a shock, after seeing Bhaktipada in such a condition and I couldn’t maintain my balance. Luckily, Bhaktipada’s male nurse, caught me slumping over and helped me recover my senses. “I’m such a basket case!” I thought. “What kind of a servant am I?”

The nurse then took Bhaktipada’s temperature and offered to answer any questions I had. I asked him, “Is Bhaktipada sleeping now? Umapati says that when Bhaktipada is taking rest, his breathing is steady. However, it seems that his breathing is slightly irregular now, and he is moving a little bit.” But he evidently did not understand my question. He began telling me that Bhaktipada was neither sleeping nor awake. He was in a coma. I dismissed him. “These hospital people!” I thought to myself, “They don’t understand that the pure devotee is beyond the laws of the material world! He is always conscious of Krishna!”

Not only that, but the loving relationship between spiritual master and disciple cannot be impeded by any so-called impediment. Spiritual communication is not like material communication. Love cannot be limited or suppressed, even though apparently separated by great time or space. It was obvious that Bhaktipada was right here with me, completely awake in pure Krishna Consciousness and transcendental to the material world. How could I embarrass him by talking about his body right there in his presence? I just wanted to serve him, to please him. But how? I decided to take the chance that he was awake and glorify his wonderful qualities. I began softly chanting the Bhaktipadastakam Prayers, which are very beautiful and inspiring. (Endnote 2)

    chaitanya-sankirtan-dhama navya-
    vrndavanam dhama praksitam tu
    yenaiva tam sri-prabhupada-prestham
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    prajanukarsam prabhupadadeva-
    prasadam adhyam vilasantam eva
    vaikuntha-dhameva manim tu yasmat
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    sri-krsna-varta-cayam aprameyam
    ajnapayaj jiva-kulam krpaluh
    gurupadesanugatir ya eva
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    sri-shrila-vrndavanaChandradeva-
    bhaktam prasantam para-tositam tu
    subhotsaham suddha-matim sukham ca
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    dharmam param bhagavatam nibodhan
    bhaktan sada sasti sutarka-nathah
    sri-krsna-padambuja-samsrito yah
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    saubhagyavan rupa-sanatanadi-
    siksayutatma prabhupada-dasyah
    bhaktaih stuto yah paramarjavo vai
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    samsarinas carvita-carvanan yah
    sammajjavaty eva krpambudo vai
    sri-krsna-premabdhi-vare ‘mrte tu
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

    santis tu yasya prabhupada-siksa-
    nisthapi daksyam tapa isa-bhaktih
    sarvesu lokesu suhrt-svabhavah
    sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

I began gently massaging Bhaktipada’s hand and speaking the English translation to him, glorifying his wonderful attributes.

    Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada! You are very dear to Srila Prabhupada because of your spontaneous love and devotion, the mature fruit of which is the New Vrindaban project, which is boldly preaching the glories of Lord Caitanya all over the world!

    This love that you have for Srila Prabhupada has blossomed as the gem of Srila Prabhupada’s Palace, the effulgence of which shines brilliantly throughout the universe. In this way you are attracting every conditioned soul to the spiritual world by manifesting the opulence of Vaikuntha right here on this earth. Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada!

    Let me offer prayers in worship of you, Srila Bhaktipada. You are delivering the message of the absolute realm to every soul in this world by fulfilling the order of Srila Prabhupada to establish New Vrindaban as a model Krishna Conscious community in the western world.

    You possess all the qualities of a pure devotee, you are always self satisfied and you always carry Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra in the core of your heart. In this way you enliven and enthuse us in the blissful service of their Lordships. Let me always glorify your transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada.

    Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. You fully know the meaning of the scriptures and you always enliven us in the transcendental science of Krishna Consciousness. By your undefeatable logic, you firmly establish the truth of bhagavata dharma and defeat all concocted interpretations of the Absolute Truth.

    Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. You appeared in this world simply for the purpose of helping to spread the mission of the gosvamis. From the very beginning, you were the first to help Srila Prabhupada in every aspect of his preaching.

    Let me sing the glories of Your Divine Grace. You are overflooding the dry desert of this world with krsna prema, which is pouring unlimitedly from the ocean of your heart, like the great rain cloud which refreshes all living entities.

    You are completely fixed in the instructions of Srila Prabhupada, determined to execute them, fully controlled, an ocean of wisdom, always peaceful, expert, grave, effulgent, friendly, and completely detached. All these are simply a drop in the unlimited ocean of your transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. Please let me remain forever by your side.

As I was offering these prayers to my spiritual master, sitting next to him and holding his hand, suddenly I realized, “His eyes are open! Bhaktipada’s eyes are open!” His eyes, which were shut due to swelling, were now open about half way, and I could see his pupils gazing at me. Blissfully, I glorified him and dedicated myself eternally to his service.

Suddenly, a gaggle of nurses entered to run some routine tests and one of them noticed that Bhaktipada’s eyes were indeed open. She moved her hand in front of Bhaktipada’s face and he blinked. “Did you see that!” Everyone was gladdened by this simple indication of Bhaktipada’s gradual recovery. Unfortunately, they then proceeded to perform their bothersome tests on Bhaktipada, some of which are annoying and even painful. He tries to resist by twisting and moving about. His breathing is labored and heavy, but he is much to weak to stop them.

When they were finally finished and left us alone, I thought, “Bhaktipada needs some rest. Can I help him to relax? Why not play a tape of Prabhupada singing Hare Krishna?” I tried to turn on the tape recorder, but couldn’t reach it without letting go of Bhaktipada’s hand. However, when I tried to pull myself away, his grip tightened and I was unable to leave his side. “Perhaps, he doesn’t want me to play the tape just now,” I thought. I still wanted to soothe him, so I began softly singing:

    namah om visnu padaya krsna presthaya bhutale
    srimate kirtanananda swamin iti nomine
    namaste bhaktipadaya prabhupada priyayate
    lilaksetram param dhama stapitam yena pascime

    jaya sri krsna caitanya prabhu nityananda
    jayadvaita gadadhara srivasadi gaura bhakta vrnda
    hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
    hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare

I chanted for an hour or so while Bhaktipada rested. Looking at my watch, I noticed it was 4 a.m.. “Oh, it’s time for arotika at Prabhupada’s Palace,” I thought. “Why not take Bhaktipada on a little tour?” So I began describing to Bhaktipada how the devotees were assembled in the kirtan hall at the Palace, chanting japa. I described the blowing of the conch, the ringing of the bells, the dimming of the crystal chandelier, and the opening of the heavy wooden doors to Prabhupada’s altar.

Prabhupada
The murti (statue) of Srila Prabhupada (1896-1977), adorned with regal attire, on the altar at his Palace of Gold.

“Jaya Srila Prabhupada!” the devotees cried out after seeing their spiritual master sitting regally upon his throne. How glorious Srila Prabhupada is, dressed in satin and velvet garments, decorated with jeweled tilak and dazzling ornaments, garlanded with pearl necklaces, bedecked with golden mace and crown! Then I began softly chanting:

    samsara davanala liddha loka tranaya karanya ghanagana tvam
    praptasya kalyana gunarnavasya vande guro sri caranaravindam

I was hoping to bring a little pleasure to my spiritual master, and Bhaktipada accepted my offering and reciprocated with me by resting peacefully. How can I describe the transcendental emotions I was feeling for him?

After mangala arotika was over, we left the palace and drove to the temple for Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra’s arotika. We entered the temple room as all the beloved residents of New Vrindaban offered heartfelt obeisances to their Lord and Father, Srila Bhaktipada. Suddenly the conch sounded, the pujari bells rang, and the altar doors dramatically parted, revealing the divine forms of Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra. We blissfully prostrated ourselves on the floor and offered our reverent obeisances.

The altar at the Temple of Understanding
The altar at the Temple of Understanding, New Vrindaban, West Virginia.

Upon seeing the Deities, I painted a picture in words for Srila Bhaktipada describing the incredible beauty of Vrindaban Chandra. I described the gorgeous array of His garments, their rich colors, His jewels decorations, the turban on His head and the peacock feather in His hair. I described His flute, and the beautiful melody which is so enchanting that upon hearing it’s vibrations all moving entities become inert, and all non-moving entities dance.

I also described the dress and incomparable beauty of Srimati Radharani, Krishna’s dearmost confidant and lover. I described Radha’s inconceivable love for Krishna, and the highest degree of surrender that the gopis express for Krishna. As I was relating these descriptions of the spiritual world, Bhaktipada began stirring his arms and legs. In fact, he began kicking so much that I had to constantly pull his blanket back over his chest.

After a while, I began the Samsara Prayers, thinking that Bhaktipada was in trance, appreciating the beauty of Krishna and His beloved Radharani. There is no doubt that Bhaktipada is situated in the topmost position of pure love of God and that he is relishing the association of the beautiful cowherd boy in Goloka Vrindaban. He knows Krishna. He plays with Him, dances with Him, and serves Him selflessly, faithfully, for all eternity. Out of compassion, he is trying to teach me what he already knows:

    Give up this miserable world of suffering! Renounce your silly desires for sense gratification, honor, independence and liberation, and just surrender to Krishna! Chant His holy name, engage in His devotional service, and go back to Him, back home, back to Godhead! Come with me! Follow me and we will journey to Goloka Vrindaban, back to our beloved Friend and Master, Govinda, who is sitting on the bank of the Yamuna playing His flute so wonderfully! Can’t you see Him, frolicking with the cowherd boys, chasing their calves through the verdant fields?

    Why do you not give up your petty desires for comfort, your foolish enviousness of your godbrothers, and your stubborn persistence to be independent? Don’t you know that you are only needlessly prolonging your misery? Time is running out! When will you learn?

    Become humbler than the grass, more tolerant than the tree, and only then will you chant the holy name in ecstasy and all your offenses cease. Chant Hare Krishna and be happy. Preach strongly and never compromise the pure teachings of Lord Krishna and His confidential ambassador, Srila Prabhupada. Remain loyal and faithful to God and guru, for only by pleasing the spiritual master can you please Krishna. Worship the spiritual master as good as God, for this is instructed by Krishna Himself, and forever become his menial servant.

    Won’t you help me build a magnificent temple for Radha and Vrindaban Chandra? Won’t you go out and reach the poor conditioned souls, rescue laksmi and participate in Lord Caitanya’s sankirtan party? Won’t you become an upstanding citizen in our New Vrindaban Community, upright in character and strict in behavior? Only when our residents exhibit the qualities of a first-class Vaishnava, will our model Krishna Conscious city shine like a beacon in this dark age of Kali, proclaiming the glory of God and rescuing all of suffering humanity from the deadly clutches of the maya witch. Let’s help to fulfill the prophecy of Lord Caitanya, so His name will be chanted in every town and village!

    Come with me, together we will glorify Lord Krishna and once again go back to Him, to eternally love and serve Him in His own abode. Follow in my footsteps, remain forever by my side, and I will guarantee-you a place with Him. Do not fear, for He is our very dear friend.

Just then Umapati walked in and announced, “Hrishikesh, it’s five o’clock and you must be very tired. You’ve been up all night. Please take rest. I’ll take over now.” He insisted. Reluctantly, I left Bhaktipada’s side and returned to the waiting room where Kuladri and Kumara were still sleeping. I collapsed on the sofa, not realizing how tired I actually was. I lay down and thought of the great love all the devotees at New Vrindaban have for Srila Bhaktipada.

I lamented about my inability, after many, many years of chanting Hare Krishna, to surrender myself cent per cent to the lotus feet of my spiritual master and taste this love which is so apparently relished by my godbrothers. Before it is too late, let me vow to seriously take the instructions of my spiritual master in my heart, and follow in his footsteps with my life and soul. Let me strive to dedicate myself to his mission, and not to embarrass or hinder him by my immaturity. Let me eagerly take on more and more austerities and more and more responsibilities and more and more headaches for his pleasure.

For it is only by becoming completely pure in heart, word and deed, that one can completely satisfy the spiritual master by spontaneous loving service. Only then can we remain forever by his side, and follow him back home, back to Krishna.

All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Bhaktipada!


Epilogue

News-Register photograph
Wheeling News-Register photograph.

After Bhaktipada woke up from his coma and returned to New Vrindaban, several curious people asked him what he experienced while he was unconscious. He replied, “I don’t remember anything.” Bhaktipada’s memory had been permanently damaged from severe trauma to his brain. We did not notice it at the time, but when his symptoms of memory loss (and some say, personality change) became too obvious to ignore, most of us refused to believe it and we tried to carry on as if nothing had changed. We refused to acknowledge the obvious; we were in denial.

Bhaktipada had suffered permanent and irreparable brain damage from the October 27th assault and never recovered fully. He became afflicted by Anterograde Amnesia: a loss of the ability to create new memories after the traumatic event that caused the amnesia, leading to a partial or complete inability to recall the recent past, while long-term memories from before the event remained intact. His personal servant devised a secret system of verbal hints and facial expressions to help Bhaktipada when he became forgetful, so that others might not notice his memory disability. Instead of acknowledging his condition, getting help from a professional therapist, and stepping down (at least temporarily) from his post as guru, he tried to deceive his disciples and followers. Apparently, Bhaktipada was also in denial. He was attached to being the guru.

In addition, it appeared that Bhaktipada’s brain injury might have contributed to a loss of self control, as his secret homosexual activity with minors (which had, according to reliable sources, been going on since the early 1970s) appears to have increased, beginning in early 1986. Clinical studies indicate that a person’s ability to control sexual urges and desires sometimes diminishes after a traumatic head injury. I remember sitting alone with Bhaktipada in his bedroom, probably early in 1986, and I asked him how he felt. I was quite surprised to hear him say that he had the taste of semen in his mouth. At the time, I thought maybe cerebral fluid was leaking somehow into his mouth. Little did I suspect at the time that he might have been speaking literally. Eventually, Bhaktipada’s illicit sexual transgressions become too blatant to ignore, and most of his disciples and followers left him (including me), especially after 1993.


Endnotes

1. “Bhaktipada Is Struck Down,” a 6-page article which I found in the New Vrindaban Archive. No author is named, although I suspect it was written by the New Vrindaban editor, Garga-Rsi dasa, in collaboration with Kuladri. It is possible that it might have been published in the New Vrindaban News.

2. Kuladri dasa, cited by Halasz & Halasz, court reporters, “United States of America, Plaintiff, v. CR 90-87 Keith Gordon Ham, Terry Sheldon, Steven Fitzpatrick, New Vrindaban Community, Inc., Govardhan, Inc., Cathedral of Healing, Inc., Defendants, Before: Honorable Robert R. Merhige, Jr., United States District Judge and a Jury,” Day III (March 13, 1991), Martinsburg, West Virginia, 509-510.

3. The Bhaktipadastakam Prayers were eight flowery Sanskrit verses in glorification of Bhaktipada, which had been written by a devotee poet, Kusakratha dasa, who lived at New Vrindaban for some time in 1981.

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